just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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