I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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