wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
