Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
