Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Randomize
