I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
im holly from the hills drunk
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
