Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
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I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
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I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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