So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
