My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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