im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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