I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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