how can u be prego again
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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