So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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