i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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