508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
our cab driver is having phone sex.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
