Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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