I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
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