but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
