I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
