.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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