So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
