a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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