She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
