I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
