On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
