So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
