You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize