respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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