I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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