if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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