this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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