i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
