half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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