wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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