Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize