meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing