Texts From Last Night

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  (905): View more from Toronto

  I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..

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  (905): I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact.. http://tfl.nu/kbzw
  Replies (42) Good night (866) Bad night (6022)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over

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  (704): we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over http://tfl.nu/0v4z
  Replies (14) Good night (4845) Bad night (1286)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...

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  (781): I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer... http://tfl.nu/rcmz
  Replies (22) Good night (2905) Bad night (886)
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  (714): View more from California

  So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.

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  (714): So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life. http://tfl.nu/wgtn
  Replies (32) Good night (1121) Bad night (5728)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  We shouldn"t be alone together

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  you didn"t say that yesterday

  (813): View more from Florida

  you weren't married yesterday

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  (813): We shouldn"t be alone together (606): you didn"t say that yesterday (813): you weren't married yesterday http://tfl.nu/oykj
  Replies (41) Good night (1905) Bad night (9079)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.

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  (440): i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky. http://tfl.nu/4mz4
  Replies (264) Good night (2761) Bad night (27619)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.

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  (662): I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high. http://tfl.nu/4f4j
  Replies (17) Good night (7113) Bad night (1851)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.

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  (304): Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day. http://tfl.nu/phv5
  Replies (4) Good night (2544) Bad night (1250)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.

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  (740): As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there. http://tfl.nu/knxy
  Replies (11) Good night (3461) Bad night (715)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.

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  (703): I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did. http://tfl.nu/tu20
  Replies (6) Good night (1338) Bad night (595)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.

  (972): View more from Texas

  Wine is not your friend.

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  (817): I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories. (972): Wine is not your friend. http://tfl.nu/ofhm
  Replies (7) Good night (670) Bad night (1449)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap

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  (231): Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap http://tfl.nu/aur6
  Replies (9) Good night (506) Bad night (1062)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.

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  (724): You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to. http://tfl.nu/ryed
  Replies (2) Good night (750) Bad night (490)
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  (516): View more from New York

  Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash

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  (516): Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash http://tfl.nu/gbbj
  Replies (7) Good night (826) Bad night (322)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.

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  (907): I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams. http://tfl.nu/1yko
  Replies (2) Good night (592) Bad night (258)

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