So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.