Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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