3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Swine flu. Run for my life!
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize