Duck Duck Cougar?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
