I think scott just propositioned me for sex
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
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you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
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I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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