am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I understand Curling. That high.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
