omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
