its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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