He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
