whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize