I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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