id be glad to
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
