sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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