sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Randomize
