His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
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I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
be right there i have to get my cape
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
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We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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