i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
