I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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