well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
