my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
