We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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