"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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