I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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